Sunday, 27 February 2011

Pets and their owners

Well I'm certainly not going to give anything away just days from our alternative Budget, so a slight diversion from the usual themes.

So do people choose pets that look like them, because of deeply entrenched and subliminal normative standards, or do pets grow to look like their owners?

Some people would say that any living thing would take on the characteristics of others around them; witness the upright walking gorillas in Port Lympne zoo(now that reminds me of someone). And yet this is not always the case.

What kind of creature, as soon as it arrives in post, will sit about, pose with a variety of expressions in various photogenic locations, lick enough cream to get a little porky, and generally be there and look as if they are doing the job they are appointed for, but not actually do it? Enough of David Cameraman, what of his cat?

Larry has given this blog an exclusive comment from his comfortable Thatcher-blue cushion: 'I'm not that stupid. The rats gave me a job, and their presence is actually keeping me in a job. Geddit?'

Saturday, 19 February 2011

There is only one deficit in Kensington and Chelsea

- the democratic deficit.

Those who rule in the majority party in Kensington and Chelsea Council seem to forget which century we live in and who they are elected to represent. If they wish to create an appearance of democracy and of transparency but in fact do exactly what they wish, there are countries where sadly this is still possible. While they are colluding with our disastrous government in hounding poorer residents out of the borough to create 'mixed communities' of the poor and the very poor in east London, and joyfully creating 'mixed communities' of the rich and the super-rich in the borough, they are acting in an increasingly high-handed way within the Council, bending rules and juggling responsibilities so they can ignore dissent with impunity.

Two quite shocking cases emerged this week where the Tories did not even pretend to go along with bogus consultation they so like to vaunt to the press. As both cases are still ongoing they are 'sub judice' as it were, so we will report these publicly when we have an outcome.

Suffice it to say that when the Council Leader states: 'Council business belongs out in the open, where residents can keep a close eye' these are words unsupported by intention.

Never use a long word where a short one will do

Dave's speechwriter was given the advice above from George Orwell but got bored half-way through the sentence; this is why Dave speaks like a robot:

I said it then, I'll say it again
For our country
I don't care what they say
It's just right and it's good
For our people
They say I must speak like this
For our children
With just short words
For our future
I am a man
A man with ideas
A man with no Plan B
And that's plain wrong
For our society

Exclusive before and after pics of Dave's facial treatment:

Thursday, 17 February 2011

New Tory logo competition

'My policies just went pfff!'

I said it last August, and Ed Mili said it yesterday: time for a new logo for the Tory party. The big forest fire sale (hahaha) has been cancelled or postponed, so it is certainly a good time to fell the tree symbol which is just an embarrassment now to the self-styled 'greenest government ever'. Cue eye-rolling.

Yes we are in terrible times, the K&C Labour Group are writing our alternative Budget to try to temper some of the outrages about to be visited upon our poor residents in rich Kensington and Chelsea, but sometimes, just sometimes, you need a break. So this is your chance to Tweet, post or Facebook your brilliant ideas for a brand new Tory logo that 'says it all'.

We can't use:

This is frankly tasteless:

This is just sad:

Of course, it doesn't have to be a tree, but you could save Cameraman a small fortune by coming up with something appropriate before he is forced to 'relaunch' his BS party.

Sunday, 6 February 2011

Why Westfield scares me

Family joke: Mum won't go to Westfield. I've been 'resisting' (refusing actually) since the moment I knew it was horribly real. My children think it's really really funny and they try to tempt me in with tales of fabulous bargains to be had (can't be as good as Kensington charity shops), massive cinema screens (I prefer West 12), quite spectacular architecture (yeah right), lovely Mexican food (I have been, but it doesn't count as it's outside thank you very much) and anything else they think I might fall for. It's now become a badge of honour: I HAVE NEVER BEEN TO WESTFIELD. Maybe I'll put that on a t-shirt.

I could give you a very long list, but here is a shortish one: the whole idea of massive 'out of town' shopping centres but actually in town is bonkers and an anachronism; it sits like a fortress next to a motorway, not 21st century town planning at all; it is pug ugly; I can't afford even to think about buying full price fashion crap; I look at it and can almost hear the screams of people opening their credit card bills; it promotes greed; it promotes envy; it promotes indebtedness; all this within an area of poverty; K&C were promised jobs but it generally doesn't employ local people except as cleaners and security staff; it is pauverising West 12 shopping centre over the road.

Most of all, however, it looks like a scene from that brilliant 70s metaphorical movie, Logan's Run.

Plus, it was a massive gamble just at the beginning of the 'made in the USA' world recession, and could dwindle, losing money, draining local businesses, giving nothing back to the local community apart from traffic blocks and pollution, more or less forever.

Come on now, join the dots!