Sunday, 16 January 2011

CamSham's sincerity make-over

The PM's PR's PR advised him that if he put his hand on his chin it looks as if he gives a damn, so CamSham has been trying out his new look at every opportunity, to great effect.

Simon Hughes was wowed by the new sincere look and joined the Tories' Stepford Wives (they look and sound like the real thing but are robots inside). Soon Hughes will be complimenting the PM and agreeing with Cleggaron that student fees are a 'pleasant surprise', and that cutting the National Scholarship Fund for poor students from £150m to £50m is 'good value for money'.

Sure Start is being slashed around the country despite CamSham's pledge to safeguard funding; we await news in K&C but fear the worst.

Of course this is 'no way connected' to proposed tax breaks for married couples, or at least not to those who can afford to leave wifey at home to bring up the sprogs.
The massive pre-orders of the £30,000 Land Rover Evoque created 1,500 jobs for which 14,000 applied. The two-ton monster is a candidate for the new Chelsea tractor, having a specially designed cow-catcher to repel student protesters and other undesirables. The petrol price rise will mean nothing to the Evoque tribe; their cash is safe in tax havens and they have shared the pain by sacking the nanny and getting the cleaning lady to watch the sprogs.

Those approaching retirement in the north of the borough and therefore have an average life expectancy of 12 years less than those in the south may literally have to work until they drop and may never collect the pension they have worked for all their lives. CamSham tried a new extra-sincere look for the press release but could barely suppress his glee.

Together with the effect of inflation and mortgage rise for those un/fortunate to have one, cuts to adult social care and disabled benefits working tax credits and child benefit, tube and bus fares rocketing, and the estimate that poor people pay an extra £1,300/year via prepayment gas and electricity meters, buying goods on HP, higher insurance, and being unable to pay by direct debit or bank cheques for free, it was inevitable that the Tory-led government has announced that Father Christmas has accepted a ministerial role and tasked with the unenviable announcement that due to fiscal tightening Christmas 2011 will now take place in December 2012. CamSham has come up with his best look yet to accompany the press release: -


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